I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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