elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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