I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
