Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
There's a naked man in my car right now.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
