Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
