Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Randomize
