Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
We are two peas in an std pod
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
