Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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