is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize
