By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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