its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
