So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
