I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
