i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
