She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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