i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
