Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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