The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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