never play flip cup with pint glasses
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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