if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
