Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
He did a backflip because drugs
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
