remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
