My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
