Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
