I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
he fucked my hip out of place.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
