I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
