The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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