i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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