He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Randomize
