dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
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