I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
