when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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