So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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