I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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