i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize