When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
