I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Randomize
