My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
be right there i have to get my cape
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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