Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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