i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
