Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
