4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
well most of my day revolves around power hour
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
