Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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