I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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