well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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