erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
