its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
