Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
