made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize