If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
