I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
