I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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