There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Randomize
