My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
How external is "for external use only"?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
