My friends, they love my intelligence
babies were throwing up all over the place
I should be sponsored by Trojan
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Randomize
