You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
