I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
