Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
