Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
