Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
So much Jack, so little girl.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
