That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
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