it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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