My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize