Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
