I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
