just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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