well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Did I show you my penis last night?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
