Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
