I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
