Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
