Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize