He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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