the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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