i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
