i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
