Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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