I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
