I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize