Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
