i already hear my dad disowning me
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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