i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
