In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
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