I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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