i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I deserve this hangover.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
