Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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