I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
