I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
