btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Let's paint friendship bongs
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
