vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
