I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
