She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm too high and old for this...
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
