You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You can't just leave with hair like that
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
