So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
