the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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