I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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