Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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