a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
