Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
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