i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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