I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
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