There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
