Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
