I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
