guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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