can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
