I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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