I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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