Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
