you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
