He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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