And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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